Home Should Be Safe: Installment Six by Mina R. Raulston

In the years following my divorce I remember studying the facts and statistics about domestic violence, not only to help myself but to help others in their struggle for healing and deliverance. One thing I remember that stuck with me so hard was that the curse of abuse most generally continued in the lives of victims. Sons were statistically said to become abusers like their father. Daughters were known to marry abusers like their father. And the women who escaped their abusers were said to repeat the abuse cycle with one partner after another. 

I can happily attest that this is not necessarily so. In my own life, once I received God’s healing and deliverance God helped me to build a new life, further my education, find better employment and raise my children in love and safety. I stopped searching for my worth in another person. My children grew up learning to love and serve God. They are happily married and in careers they love. Their lives are stable and safe. My life is also stable and safe and the joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10C).

I have also made acquaintances with other women and children who have escaped their abuser. And the ones who were most successful in rebuilding their lives were those who found their comfort and strength in Jesus Christ. Regardless of where you are in your journey, know that Jesus Christ is the source of your strength, your protection, your provision, your salvation, and your deliverance. Please feel free to ask questions or post prayer requests in the comments of this blog post. 

Home Should Be Safe – Installment Five by Mina R Raulston 8/24/20

After spending many years with an abuser, you may struggle with self esteem issues for quite some time. When I finally got divorced I had lost confidence in my ability to do much of anything because my ex-husband had undermined everything I ever did. My self-esteem was in the negative. Since I was so low, once God healed me I began a study of the women of the Bible to see what God expected of me. It became a Bible study which I taught for two 9 week sessions at my church. We are God’s daughters and once we are saved we come under his protection. Look up the women in the Bible for yourself. I’m working on compiling mine into a published Bible study, but there are many books on the market about women in the Bible, and there is always the Bible itself. That’s where I started. There are women who were traditional, like Naomi and Ruth, women who were in government like Esther and Deborah, women who were prophets like Huldah, and women who were ministers and Bible teachers like Priscilla. Jesus treated women with love and respect, not as slaves or even servants. There were women who were leaders in his band of followers, look in the stories about him in the New Testament. 

No matter what, know that God loves you and Jesus loves you. You are a daughter of the most high God. No where in scripture does it say that God approves of men mistreating their wives, daughters, mothers, and sisters. No where. 

Both in Malachi 2 and I Peter 3 the Bible says that how a man treats his wife will determine how God answers his prayers. God will not honor the prayers or even offerings of a man who mistreats his wife. 

God loves you and wants you and your children safe. It is not his will that you live in danger in your own home. 

Home Should Be Safe – Installment Four by Mina R. Raulston, 8/16/20

f you have managed to escape from your abuser, you may find your emotions to be quite the challenge to manage. After walking on eggshells for so long, you simply may not know how to feel. Your emotions may change at the drop of a hat. Sometimes you may feel absolutely numb. In some ways I was numb for the first year after my divorce. I simply took each day, sometimes minute by minute, one day at a time. I hadn’t the strength to plan any more in advance than that. Then, other days my emotions were like a roller coaster. I would go to my office job in a mortgage company, sit in my high walled cubicle, and fall apart. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking and I couldn’t stop crying. No one who knew me had a clue what to do with this strong personality that was falling apart at the seams.

Let me reassure you and encourage you that God did not leave me in pieces like this, nor will he leave you that way if you will reach out to him. It doesn’t matter if you have been free for 1 day or 1 year or 10 years. If you reach out to Jesus Christ, give him your fear, your pain, and your grief. Lay them on the altar and ask him to heal and deliver you, then he can do that. But, you must let go of them completely. Let him empty your heart and soul of all the anger, fear, hate, and unforgiveness toward your abuser. Then, allow him to pour into you his healing balm to comfort you and make you whole again. Ask God to forgive any sin in your life, because the Bible says we have all sinned and come short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23. Then, ask God to help you forgive your abuser. Forgiving your abuser is necessary for You to heal. He doesn’t need to know anything about it. But, not forgiving your abuser will do nothing to punish them. It will only serve to punish you as the pain continues to develop into an abscessed sore on your soul. 

Take my advice, born from years of experience, seek the Lord Jesus. Ask his forgiveness for any sin of yours. Ask him to help you forgive your abuser. And give your pain and fear to the Lord and ask him to heal and deliver you. Then, you can begin the journey of building a new life for you and any children you have. 

Please share some of your story here. Have you gotten free? Have you found your way to the Lord? Do you have any questions you would like addressed in this blog?

Let me reassure you and encourage you that God did not leave me in pieces like this, nor will he leave you that way if you will reach out to him. It doesn’t matter if you have been free for 1 day or 1 year or 10 years. If you reach out to Jesus Christ, give him your fear, your pain, and your grief. Lay them on the altar and ask him to heal and deliver you, then he can do that. But, you must let go of them completely. Let him empty your heart and soul of all the anger, fear, hate, and unforgiveness toward your abuser. Then, allow him to pour into you his healing balm to comfort you and make you whole again. Ask God to forgive any sin in your life, because the Bible says we have all sinned and come short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23. Then, ask God to help you forgive your abuser. Forgiving your abuser is necessary for You to heal. He doesn’t need to know anything about it. But, not forgiving your abuser will do nothing to punish them. It will only serve to punish you as the pain continues to develop into an abscessed sore on your soul. 

Take my advice, born from years of experience, seek the Lord Jesus. Ask his forgiveness for any sin of yours. Ask him to help you forgive your abuser. And give your pain and fear to the Lord and ask him to heal and deliver you. Then, you can begin the journey of building a new life for you and any children you have. 

Please share some of your story here. Have you gotten free? Have you found your way to the Lord? Do you have any questions you would like addressed in this blog?

Home Should Be Safe – Installment Three

Sorry, this is a couple of days late, I’m still trying to get a schedule in place. My posts are not going to be chronological in nature, just whatever is on my heart each week.

Tonight my kids are on my heart. I remember when we were all broken after the divorce. We fought many struggles, emotional, spiritual, financial, and we even fought for our place in the church. During those difficult years, I taught my kids to always put God first, not people, places, or things. I taught them to act respectably and to insist upon being treated with respect. Don’t let anyone be mean to you, or ridicule you and try to laugh it off as, just kidding. I taught them we are children of God and God doesn’t want us to be a doormat to anyone. We are to hold our head high, walk according to the word of God, and let God be our guide and our guard. And, if in doubt, the Word of God was the final word for how we live our lives. 

 

If you are struggling with where you fit in the world, where you belong, know this. God loves you. You are his child. He wants you to bring your burdens to him and let him carry them and you. He wants to fight the battles for you. He wants to heal any brokenness you have. 

 

Jesus said in Luke 4:18 “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised….

Home Should Be Safe: Installment Two By Mina R. Raulston 8/2/20

When I married my husband I had no clue what abuse or domestic violence was, so I fell for his deceit hook, line, and sinker. I was responsible but very inexperienced and naive. His abuse trickled into the relationship so gradually it was years before I realized what was happening. 

Don’t let the abuser or anyone else make you feel guilty or dumb for not knowing he was an abuser before you entered the relationship or even married him. Abusers tend to be very slick and charismatic in fooling outsiders that they are really nice guys. The abuse mostly happens at home, behind closed doors. 

Thankfully, I’d had a foundation in Christ since I was about seven years old. So, throughout everything, I knew I could depend on Christ to help me through it. Sometimes I doubted that, but God always reminded me in one way or another. It took me years to realize what was happening and that it would only get worse, not better. Once I did I started to plan for how I could eventually escape. There were not the many resources in 1989 that there are today. I didn’t even know if there was a shelter, I couldn’t return to my mother’s (she had denied me), so I had to figure out how to manage on my own. During that time, God guided me, sent me help in a variety of ways, and literally held me together. 

Regardless of where you are in your journey, God is there for you too. It is not his will for someone to abuse you. God loves you and wants to help you. Reach out to him in prayer. If you have sinned ask God to forgive you. He wants to welcome you home. Ask God to heal and deliver you from all of the hurt, the anger, the fear, and the trauma. Healing may come in stages, but it will come. Surrender your heart and your hurt to God. 

Home Should Be Safe – Installment One by Mina R. Raulston

When I was 19 years old, I met and married a man at my church. We were married for 14 years during which he lied, cheated on me, stole from our household funds, and abused me verbally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, socially, and financially. After trying everything Biblically and humanly possible to stop the abuse and adultery I finally divorced him in 1989 for the safety of me and my children. That’s enough history.

For four years I was an emotional wreck, yet numb to my own heart. I walked through my days in a fog, trying to figure out what to do next. So, if you or someone you know is now or has in the past experienced abuse or the aftermath of abuse, hear me when I say, that you are not alone. Others have walked your path. Others have escaped the abuse. Others have found healing and deliverance through Christ. You have a Heavenly Father who loves you and welcomes you into his loving arms. I am one of those survivors. As I’ve shared, I experienced abuse and I escaped. I found God’s healing and deliverance. Through God’s love and grace and strength, I built a new life that I would never have thought possible all those years ago. 

If you are still with your abuser, or if you have escaped but are feeling overwhelmed with the pain and loss, know that you too can be healed and delivered. You too can find a way of escape. You too can find refuge in the arms of your Abba Father. You too can begin to build a new life. 

If you have questions, you can ask them in this forum. If you need services ask and I can find you some referrals. Remember, you are not alone. 

Home Should Be Safe by Mina R. Raulston

Last year everything I attempted, in every part of my life, went nowhere. Not so much failure as fizzle. In the midst of that, between February 2019 and March 2020, six people I have known for many years died. February (1), October (1), December (1), February (2), and March (1). That last one caught me totally off guard. I had any idea the person was ill. 

Then this virus happened. I refuse to call it by name and give it importance. But, in the matter of a few days, a weekend, our government did the unbelievable and the unthinkable. They shut the entire country down, closed businesses, and took away people’s livelihood. Overnight lockdown in our homes. I never thought in my worst nightmares that I would live to see this in this country that I was born into and can trace my lineage back to upstate New York in the late 1700s. 

During my 14 year marriage, I was afraid much of the time. I promised myself after the divorce that I would not be afraid again. And I succeeded, until the last few months. Then, all of this: the crazy virus, race riots like I haven’t seen since my childhood, media and government joined together to terrify the citizenry. For the first time in years, I was afraid. I was at a standstill and didn’t know how to move forward. 

As part of the bride of Christ, we are watching everything that goes on in our world. We are watching the eastern sky and listening for the trumpet sound for our Lord’s return to take us home. But, until he does return we are instructed to occupy, like an occupying army. We are not on this earth to get rich, become famous, or achieve the dreams and desires of our hearts. We are here to share the word of God and the love of God so that as many people as possible will be ready and watching for his coming. 

So, after many sleepless nights, exhausting days, and a dream or two with a little clearer revelation of their meaning, I’ve decided to do what I can from my safe little home. Thanks to technology, I don’t have to go out physically, to go out into the world. 

I’m going to revive my blog, Home Should Be Safe, and begin posting things directly for the benefit of those who have or are experiencing abuse as I once did.  I have published two books on the subject, Home Should Be Safe: Hope and Help for Domestic Violence Victims and Pathway to Healing. Both are available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble in both paperback and ebook. The first tells the facts about abuse; the second gives my testimony. So, I will not repeat much of them in my new project. 

In my new project, I will post ways that God has helped me through the years to find healing and deliverance, as well as to build a new life that I would not have thought possible all those years ago. 

I invite you to read my posts and to pass them along to anyone you think they may help. I invite you to pray for me so I write what people need to help them reach out and get the help that is available for them, and reach out to God for his healing and deliverance. It is my heart that those who are hurting, whether still in their abusive situation or have escaped from it, will find healing and solace in the love of God through my witness. 

I will begin those posts tomorrow night.

Thank you

Home Should Be Safe: Domestic Violence Awareness Organization

What began many years ago as journaling to vent my pain, is now going to form a non-profit organization to help victims of domestic violence to find healing from the trauma. When I married at nineteen I had no knowledge or experience with abuse so I didn’t recognize the charming act of an abuser during the dating stage. Once I was married it took me years to recognize that my husband’s behavior was so classically abusive. When I divorced fourteen years later no one that I knew had any inkling of what was wrong with me or how to help me. So, once God healed and delivered me I set out to find a way to make people aware of the signs of abuse and how to help its victims.

After twenty years of writing and speaking on the realities of domestic violence and how to help its victims my next step is to form an organization that will not only make the information available but will attempt to be a bridge between secular and spiritual helpers. My goal is to show women that healing and wholeness are possible.

This blog will provide information on domestic violence and updates on the formation of my organization, Home Should Be Safe.

Home Should Be Safe

This blog is no longer active. To follow me for the subject of domestic violence please check out my main blog, MinaRaulston. Thank you

Jesus is the Answer

There is an old song that I love called, “Jesus is Still the Answer”. That one little phrase can be applied to any situation of our lives. We can try every solution the world offers; we can try any solution we can think up for ourselves. But, no matter what we try we will still come back to the reality that Jesus is the answer for whatever we need in this life.

When I was a young woman I met and married a man who I found out too late was abusive. For many years I did everything I knew how to make that marriage work. I didn’t even know what abuse or domestic violence was because violence didn’t happen in my parents’ home. For this reason it took me a long time to recognize that my husband’s behavior would never change. When I finally divorced I was broken into so many pieces that I thought I’d never be whole again.

The good thing was that I’d had a relationship with Jesus since I was a small child and was saved as a teenager. So, even when I tried to give up on God he refused to give up on me. Four years later I received God’s healing and deliverance from all the pain and suffering of those years of abuse. Once God healed and delivered me I felt free and light, like I’d never felt before in my whole life.

It’s been more than twenty years since that happened and I can tell you that no matter what troubles life threw my way, no matter what challenges I faced, Jesus is still the answer. God never promised that we would never have pain or trials. In fact he said we would have them. But, he did promise that he would walk through them with us.

If there is one thing I could tell someone who was or is a victim of domestic violence it is that Jesus is still the answer. If your heart is broken Jesus can heal it. If your spirit is broken Jesus can heal it. If you feel like you’re missing pieces of your life, Jesus can rebuild your life. If you feel like you have no dreams left, Jesus can give you new dreams.

Whether you are still living in your abusive situation or not Jesus is walking beside you waiting for you to reach out to him, to call to him and to ask him to help you. He loves you and wants to bring you close and shower you with his love. Jesus can give you peace the world cannot understand. Jesus can give you a knowing deep within your heart and soul so that you know that you know that you know that God will take care of you no matter what your situation. All you have to do is reach out to him.

 

Mina R. Raulston writes extensively about domestic violence and loves to give her testimony of healing and deliverance from the pain and suffering of domestic violence. Contact her by phone at 614-507-7893 or e-mail her at m_raulston@hotmail.com to schedule a speaking engagement.

You can buy copies of her book, Home Should Be Safe: Hope and Help for Domestic Violence Victims from her website