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Male Victims of Domestic Violence

Ever since I began writing about domestic violence some readers asked why I didn’t include male victims of domestic violence in my information. Frankly, the reason was that I didn’t find much information about that side of it except as it related to male children and I included that information in my book. There is now more information available about male victims of domestic violence such as husbands and boyfriends so I will be researching that topic and write about it here.  So, if you have questions related to domestic violence in any way please post them here and I will research and answer your questions and provide referrals when available. 

If you are a male who has been a victim of domestic violence and would be open to an interview please email me at and I will contact you. Also, please know that even though domestic violence shelters are for women and children, there is help available for male victims. Call the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence hotline at 800-799-7233  for assistance.


Home Should Be SAFE: My Journey from then to now

I didn’t start out to be a writer. I didn’t even think very seriously about a career even though I was an honor student in high school. I certainly never thought I’d be writing about domestic violence. But, the path my life took made it imperative that I write about my life experiences as related to domestic violence.

At the age of 19 I married a man I met in my church after a six month courtship. I found out all too soon that he was not the man I thought. Within months after our marriage the cycle of violence began even though it would be many years, after the divorce, before I even knew what that term meant. Finally, the abuse became intolerable for both my children and I so I obtained a divorce with the help of Legal Aid.

Four years after the divorce I was finally able to receive God’s healing and deliverance. I began journaling to get all the pain out because people had tired of listening to me and more than one said that I should “just get over it and on with it.” They didn’t know what it was to live in fear in your own home. You can’t just “get over it and on with it” quite that easily.

That journaling developed into Bible studies that I taught in my local church. Then I began writing for local newspapers and later for denominational magazines. One of the main topics of many of my articles was domestic violence. As I studied and researched, interviewed and wrote, all my information began to take form into something larger than I ever expected.

About 2004 I realized that I had accumulated all that I needed; the new information I was finding was merely a duplicate of what I already had. I began to put together what I thought would be a simple booklet to give to the church to help them deal with domestic violence victims in their churches. In 2009 I realized I had to finish my book and for a number of reasons I quit my job and concentrated on my book. Although I eventually had to return to work I had finished my book.

After going over it carefully I hired a writer/editor friend of mine to do a professional edit. I sent out requests for formal endorsements for the book and received very favorable ones. I submitted book proposals to traditional publishers and one showed interest but then the economic crash hit and they were unable to move forward. After much prayer and deliberation I decided to self-publish.

The challenge with self-publishing was that I didn’t have extra money to pay the publishing expenses. So, I took it one step at a time. The push came in 2010 when my church held an Author Sunday to promote authors within the congregation. In order to participate I printed up the few copies I could afford and sold all of them that day and took orders for more. Later an editor I wrote for referred me to his book packager and graphic designer and I was able to print paper back copies of the book to sell. Almost everyone who has read the book, even total strangers, has given me positive feedback.

This week I reached another milestone with my book. I purchased my ISBN number and bar code. My book is now in the Licking County Public Library in Licking County, OH. Very soon I will have it on  Amazon and some independent book stores.

Check back often for updates on the publication and distribution of my book, which can be purchased from my website.

Home Should Be Safe: Myths and Misconceptions – Abuse is caused by alcohol or drug abuse.

Myth: Abusers behave as they do as a result of alcohol or drug  abuse or possibly mental illness, all of which are not the fault of the abusers. We must understand them and treat the illness. Reality: Domestic violence is a learned behavior, proven by the fact that it exists where alcohol, drugs, and mental illness do not exist. That’s one reason why it repeats itself from one generation to another.

The reality is that drugs and alcohol serve to break down the self-control and the behavioral barriers we establish. If a person becomes abusive after taking alcohol or drugs then the behavior was there all the time but under control. And, as previously stated there are more than enough stories of abusers who did not take drugs or alcohol. Therefore, even though the two may co-exist it does not mean they are automatically joined. One thing shown to exist in most abusers is a belief that they can treat other people however they please in order to get what they want.

Mental illness has been used to discount abusive behavior as well. One victim said that her husband’s doctor told her he was manic depressant and could not help himself so she shouldn’t blame him.  In an interview with a director of a domestic violence shelter, she told me, “Mina, being mentally ill and being abusive is like having a broken arm and a broken leg. They are both broken but you don’t treat them the same way.”

Domestic Violence is a violent crime committed by people whose belief system gives them permission to treat others however they please to get what they want. Until society treats it as a violent crime and makes the abuser accountable, abuse will continue.

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