Home Should Be Safe: Myths and Misconceptions – Abuse is caused by alcohol or drug abuse.

Myth: Abusers behave as they do as a result of alcohol or drug  abuse or possibly mental illness, all of which are not the fault of the abusers. We must understand them and treat the illness. Reality: Domestic violence is a learned behavior, proven by the fact that it exists where alcohol, drugs, and mental illness do not exist. That’s one reason why it repeats itself from one generation to another.

The reality is that drugs and alcohol serve to break down the self-control and the behavioral barriers we establish. If a person becomes abusive after taking alcohol or drugs then the behavior was there all the time but under control. And, as previously stated there are more than enough stories of abusers who did not take drugs or alcohol. Therefore, even though the two may co-exist it does not mean they are automatically joined. One thing shown to exist in most abusers is a belief that they can treat other people however they please in order to get what they want.

Mental illness has been used to discount abusive behavior as well. One victim said that her husband’s doctor told her he was manic depressant and could not help himself so she shouldn’t blame him.  In an interview with a director of a domestic violence shelter, she told me, “Mina, being mentally ill and being abusive is like having a broken arm and a broken leg. They are both broken but you don’t treat them the same way.”

Domestic Violence is a violent crime committed by people whose belief system gives them permission to treat others however they please to get what they want. Until society treats it as a violent crime and makes the abuser accountable, abuse will continue.


About minarraulston

I have been a freelance writer for more than twenty years. I have now branched out and also provide editing services and I am a public speaker. I write, edit and speak on a variety of subjects. One of the main subjects I speak and write about is domestic violence. As a survivor of domestic violence I speak out for those who can't or are too afraid to speak out. Domestic violence is a crime against the family and I believe as a society we do all we can to end it and help those who have been victimized by it.

Posted on July 4, 2012, in Domestic Violence and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. So true. My husband is a verbally abusive narcissist who does not drink a drop or use drugs. I can’t imagine if he drank and removed what little filter there is between his sick brain and his vulgar and cruel mouth!

    • I can hear in your reply and see in your comments on your website that you are still in intense pain. It is true that abusers are cruel to their victims. I would encourage you to seek counseling for your pain and seek out God’s own healing, deliverance and restoration. I received healing from God after 4 years of pain and over the years God has completely restored.

      • thank you, I totally agree and I am in therapy right now, a great group of nurturing women that want to leave this all behind and get better. I know God wants me to be on this path. I also know I swear a lot in my posts, it is because I am angry that I could have been so abused that this would be something I gravitated to for so many years. I’m actually feeling quite happy, but the journal is for the stuff I don’t want to keep dumping on my wonderful friend who has been an angel in helping me get to this point. Of course, all this only came to an end last week so I will be fine once he is out of the house and I have stability again. thanks so much for a very insightful comment and suggestions I totally agree with. God is amazing! Take care!

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